The Shower Tile

Our shower walls have brownish tile with lots of waves and squiggles and color variations, and I often imagine seeing images in the tiles while I shower, sort of like looking for objects in the clouds. This morning, one section of tile looked like a little bird, maybe a sparrow or something. I observed it more closely, trying to determine what patterns made it appear that way, and noticed that a curve here, a protrusion of color here, and the overall shape and size just managed to convey the outline of a sparrow. It had just enough detail to draw the eye and brain into filling in the rest with the appropriate details. This is how graphic artists, or even all artists, produce the impression of an object with just simple lines and shapes and colors.

Then I noticed a collection of shapes just below the little sparrow, and saw, instead, an eagle soaring in flight. Wings outspread, talons grasping forward, head and sharp beak poised in solemn control – a perfect image of a bird of prey.

So which was it? A dainty sparrow, or an attacking eagle?

Well, neither – it was a shower tile.

I then had the thought that we view life like this a lot of the time. We see or hear the outline of something, some vague report of a new thought or philosophy or theological truth or conspiracy, and we fill in the rest with our eyes and minds. We see this, or we see that, and we attack those who see something different. While in reality, it’s more like a shower tile. It’s not a new thought or profound philosophical revelation. It’s just some basic, simple fact or observation which we have blown all out of proportion. We add so much of ourselves to simple observations that it is hard to back off and see just the basic truth. We like to make so much of everything (like me making a philosophical discussion about a shower tile) that we tend to obscure the truth.

Father, please grant me the ability to see simple truth, and not try to make mysteries out of everything!

There is simple, non-relativistic, truth out there, but generations of human thought have managed to obscure so much. Whether we are modern, old-fashioned, realistic, a dreamer, atheistic, agnostic, liberal, conservative, an all-encompassing tolerant, mystical, simplistic, or whatever other label people might put on us, we all have moments of non-truth. Now, imagination and speculation are wonderful things, I agree, and there is definitely a place for dreaming, but we need reality too. I long for the day when we will no longer see things dimly, but will see things plainly and clearly. Face to face.

First Day of School

No, not our first day. But most of the public school kids around here went back to school today. I lost count of how many "first day" pictures I saw on Facebook today. And how many comments I read about quiet houses - some said sadly, some said happily.

I wouldn't mind a quiet house, and a whole day for myself. Being an extreme introvert, I really crave quiet time by myself.... But I wouldn't trade homeschooling even for a whole school year of quiet days. We've been at it for 2 1/2 years now, and I've seen the immeasurable benefits of it. For all of us. Restructuring of priorities, amazingly increased self-esteem and a boundless curiosity about the world for my oldest, intellectual leaps and bounds for both girls, a growing desire to help out around the house for my little boy, the opportunity to notice how creative and skillful a builder and "maker" my son is turning out to be, an obviously sincere interest in others shown by all my children to people they meet of all ages and stations in life, a closeness between all the siblings that will never break, a growing depth to our love and thankfulness for and amazement of God, and a vision of how intertwined God is with the whole universe - not just something added on at the end of the day or on Wednesday nights or Sundays.

Nope, I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Of course, there are negatives as well, and days that I threaten them with sending them to "big" school. Childish arguments, temper tantrums, stubbornness, not listening to directions, not listening to anything I say, slamming doors, whining (oh, the whining!), a lack of personal free time for me, the challenge of scheduling appointments when I have to find a babysitter first. But still, I wouldn't trade it.

I thought I'd give a run down of our day today, for comparison, perhaps? Probably a fairly typical day, though we're (I'm) still getting used to how to schedule things with 2 full-time students instead of 1 - trying to prod my oldest into doing a bit more of her independent work independently, instead of sitting there watching me teach her sister.

So, I don't know what time we started this morning. Breakfast is email reading time, so sometimes it takes me a while to get going. Maybe around 8:30 or 9:00?

• Read 1st grader a Bible story while she colors
• Study 3rd grade Bible lesson with oldest daughter
• Start up a 1st grade history lesson video
• Teach 3rd grade English, spelling, math, and world history (learning about England in 900 AD today)
• Tell 3rd grader to finish reading chapter book, and do reading comprehension worksheet, handwriting practice, vocabulary practice on computer, logic puzzles on computer, math fact review on computer, and complete a review on bird facts learned in her science book (all of which should take about an hour total)
• Teach 1st grade math, logic, and half of the reading lesson
• Read 1st grade read-alouds (with 3rd grader listening in, who has done exactly 1 of the tasks I gave her earlier) (interspersed with worry about why my 4-year-old is being so quiet, until he comes to listen in, holding a complex Lego model of some sort of vehicle)
• Take a break for the kids to watch the newest episode of "Paw Patrol"
• Lunch
• Ask my 3rd grader questions about the chapter book she finished and then tell her to finish the other "independent" work she should have already been doing
• Finish the 1st grade reading lesson
• Teach my 3rd grader a piano lesson
• Tell my 3rd grader, again, to finish her "independent" work
• Let the 1st grader and 4-year-old watch "Paw Patrol" again while I exercise in the TV room (it's raining today, and if it weren't, it would be too hot to play outside during the afternoon anyway)
• Let all 3 kids play with the (very loud) rhythm instruments while I take a quick shower
• Take away the (very loud) rhythm instruments when I come out
• Let the 1st grader and 4-year-old play on the piano while I sew some
• Read-aloud for my 3rd grader (and 4-year-old who wants to listen in)
• And done for the day! Play time! Legos! Dinner! More play time! (unfortunately, still raining outside...) Is it bedtime yet?

That's basically it, not counting a few chores, bathroom breaks, checking-on-the-4-year-old breaks.... We switch out different subjects on some days, like geography, art, exercise, health, history of the horse instead of world history, etc. I admit I haven't been doing too much with the 4-year-old lately - he will be starting preschool next week, 3 days a week. I think he'll get a lot out of being with other boys for a while, and I'm not as good with entertaining teaching preschoolers as I am with slightly older ones. And the girls will be starting ballet lessons in a few weeks. And they all will be starting Team Kid on Wednesday nights in a few weeks (missions, physical activity, teamwork, music, etc.). But we get done with most of the main subjects by around lunchtime, and tidy up the loose ends throughout the afternoon and evening, whenever we feel like it. (I have checklists - I'd never remember everything without them.) And then we take breaks some days for field trips - hopefully one tomorrow morning, to the airport.

Nope, I wouldn't trade homeschooling for anything.

Teaching Myself

You know, I think I am learning more by homeschooling than my kids are. Not just about educational methods and curriculum choices and how old a skunk has to be before it can spray. But about priorities, and faith, and obedience. I have to admit that I came to homeschooling kicking and screaming. Not literally, but I really did not want to homeschool. I am not a teacher, and I'm not even really a "kid" person. It took God to change my mind. I still don't think I'm a teacher, and I still don't like it a lot of the time. I still often wish that I had more time to myself. I still think about sending them all off to school.

But the more I reflect on what I should do, the more I acknowledge that home schooling is best for us. For all of us. Even reading through my daughter's 2nd grade spelling (from Rod & Staff) and math (from Christian Light Education) workbooks tends to convict me, to inspire me, and to show me how wonderful it can be if you are surrounded by Christian material - material that reflects on God all the time. Reading the amazing testimonies of missionaries and others has an even more profound effect on me. Reading the thoughts of other homeschoolers also helps me to clarify my own thoughts. My priorities are changing, and becoming clearer. My obedience to God is becoming stronger. My faith is growing more real.

I attended public schools almost all of my life (except 1 year in a private school), and while I came out of it with a strong Christian faith, I can see how some of my long-standing assumptions are not really very Christian, mostly due to being around so many others who do not put Christ at the center of their lives. I am learning how important and critical one's worldview can be, and how easy it is to substitute a non-Christian belief for a Christian one here and there. How easy it is to substitute an "American" belief for a Christian one. Or a "church" belief for a Christian one. They are mostly subtle, seemingly unimportant beliefs, but they add up. I am seeing how 2 people with different worldviews have an extremely hard time communicating. It's like we live in 2 different worlds. And I guess we do.

I have several reasons for homeschooling - shorter hours, less peer pressure, better academics, safety. I have always had a spiritual reason too, to be able to teach my children more about God, but that reason is becoming more and more important as I progress through this homeschooling journey. I want my children to have God as their focus, as their strength, as their highest priority. And I want that for me too. And I truly believe that homeschooling is the way for us to obtain that goal. So we continue...

Three Views on Creation and Evolution

I finally finished reading Three Views on Creation and Evolution. I bought the Kindle version over a year ago, on recommendation from a fellow church member and scientist, to help me understand the three main views of Christians: young earth creationism, old earth creationism, and theistic evolution. There are other names for those 3 views, but those are probably the most common ones. There are also wide variations within those 3 views too, as everyone seems to have a slightly different take on things. The book has 3 main articles, one for each of the views, written by someone who believes in each view. The articles mostly explain each viewpoint, and give various thoughts about why they believe it. There is some loose similarity in the outline of each article, imposed by the editor, but the authors write with such different styles, and emphasize such different points, that the articles are really quite different from each other. Then there are 3-4 reactions to each article, written by people who mostly believe differently than that article's author. These "responders" are all different people than the 3 main article writers - I wish the editor had let each of the 3 respond to each other's articles, but I suppose they wanted even more viewpoints.

I found the book to be extremely interesting, though a little heavy reading, mostly because I kept making notes on everything that I disagreed or agreed with. (I really like the ability to take notes on a book with Kindle, by the way, though it takes me a lot longer to type with the little keyboard.) I found the discussion enlightening, too, since up until a year and a half ago, I hadn't ever heard anyone argue for a young earth. There were some new thoughts in all of the articles for me, some of which I have ruminated over quite a bit now.

I found the young earth article (the first one) to be the least convincing, probably because that is the viewpoint I disagree with most. But I also found many of the arguments to have logical faults. That is the article I probably made the most notes on, as with every logical fallacy made, I just had to make a comment. It was interesting that they admitted that pretty much all scientific data contradicts a young earth theory. It was also not nearly as accusative toward the other viewpoints as I have often heard other young earth proponents be, however, so I appreciated that. In fact, the whole tone of the book was much more cordial than most discussions of this controversy, though a few negative comments (about their opponents) slipped in here and there. The article on old earth, or progressive, creationism probably gave me the most thoughts to contemplate. The article on theistic evolution was by far the most thorough and precise.

[As a side note: I do not have a strong background in biology (I mostly studied physics and astronomy), but I am now inspired to study it more on my own. I think I'll start with a high school text I have handy, and then move on to some of the college material available online. I need to get up to speed before my kids get there, after all!]

I think I fall somewhere in between the viewpoints of the last 2 articles: old earth creationism and theistic evolution. Both made interesting philosophical points, but of course, philosophy cannot prove which viewpoint is the truth. You cannot really prove which Biblical interpretation is the absolute truth either. There really is no way to prove absolutely which viewpoint is the truth, other than going back in time and watching it all happen, or else waiting for God to tell us in heaven. You can decide which viewpoint is more likely, given the scientific data.  Science helps us understand physical reality (as we understand it) - it doesn't cover supernatural intervention, obviously. (And by the way, a "natural" event doesn't mean God had nothing to do with it - it just means it was an event that follows the physical laws we have understood to date.) There really is no way to prove with science what God has done supernaturally. It's like trying to use science to show how a group of worms made a home out of twigs and leaves when actually a little girl came by half an hour ago and made it for them. Perhaps the worms were capable of doing it themselves, but unless she confesses, you might never know how it really happened. (This is not a perfect analogy, so don't try to read more into it!)

My analogy brings up another point, though (in a roundabout way): even if humans evolved from teensy, tiny life forms in the beginning, at some point, I believe God breathed His spirit into us, separating us from all other life forms.  Evolutionists don't have to disbelieve in Adam and Eve. Humans are different than animals (despite some who claim we're not). Our souls are the fingerprint of God. Even if the human form evolved from earlier apes, I believe God chose a single moment in time and a single human-like creature into which He breathed His spirit. God could have created that being at that moment in time, apart from the evolutionary family tree, or He could have taken a special specimen from that family tree and made him at that moment to take on the image of God, creating a true human. I don't think it really matters how God did it, how He created humans. I believe that He did.

I wish it weren't such a controversy among Christians, because that strong, sometimes accusatory and bitter disagreement is a bad example for non-Christians. If we Christians can't accept each other, how would we ever accept them?

I found some interesting statistics a few days ago, from a 2010 survey. (See: 
http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2012/july-august/evolution-and-creationism-infographic.html)
The graphic linked to above doesn't give all the data, but lumps respondents into 3 main groups: those who believe (a) God guided evolution, (b) atheistic evolution (it happened without God), and (c) YEC (young-earth creationism - God created everything about 6000-10000 years ago). These categories are rather vague and lump a lot of people with different viewpoints together (did they not separate out old earth creationists? the remaining category was "other"), but the results are still interesting.

Overall, among all respondents:
God guided evolution: 38%
atheistic evolution: 16%
YEC: 40%

Among weekly church-goers:
God guided evolution: 31%
atheistic evolution: 2%
YEC: 60%
(I wonder about that 2% of weekly church-goers who don't think God had anything to do with it. Are they conflicted internally? Do they attend church only because someone else is making them? Do they attend a church which doesn't believe in a specific God, but is more of a proponent of spirituality in general?)

Among monthly/almost-every-week church-goers:
God guided evolution: 47%
atheistic evolution: 9%
YEC: 41%

Among rare church-goers:
God guided evolution: 39%
atheistic evolution: 31%
YEC: 24%

Here's another survey, from 2012, with similar, but slightly different, results:
http://religion.blogs.cnn.com/2012/06/01/survey-nearly-half-of-americans-subscribe-to-creationist-view-of-human-origins/

I am most familiar with those in the weekly church-goer group, where 60% believe in a young earth. I am a little surprised that number is so high, since among my friends and acquaintances, before I started homeschooling, I only had met 1 (yes, 1 single person) who seemed to be a strong proponent of YEC. Perhaps it's just because it wasn't a big deal amongst us. It wasn't a controversy - just one of those matters in the same category of how many angels fit on the head of a pin. I remember one Sunday School class, when I was in college, I believe, where we briefly mentioned evolution, and the consensus was that God could have created us any way He wanted to!

Since starting to homeschool, the number of YEC believers I have met (online or in person), has skyrocketed. It would be very interesting to see these survey results separated into homeschooler and non-homeschooler categories. I think YEC is a much bigger group among homeschoolers. Maybe 90% or so, but that's just a guess.

As an interesting side-note, I am a member of the yahoo group for the BFSU (Building Foundations for Scientific Understanding) curriculum, and there has recently been a big online discussion about young earth vs evolution. It was quite refreshing to read a discussion like this that wasn't filled with name-calling and accusations, with people willing to hear arguments for all sides. It was also refreshing to hear of many other Christian homeschoolers who are not YEC. We may not be vocal, but there really are some of us out here!

NPH and the Soul

I haven't written for a while, as my father has been going through some very serious health issues. He was diagnosed with a somewhat uncommon ailment called NPH, which is a form of hydrocephalus that causes symptoms mimicking Parkinson's Disease and dementia. His health started declining very rapidly, but he's doing much better now, after shunt surgery. I think my parents' lifestyle will still be changing somewhat, due to lingering effects of NPH. Fortunately, they live very close to us, so we are trying to help as much as possible.

I have found that it is difficult having small children to care for at the same time as your parents begin to need additional help as well. One of the drawbacks of having children late in life.... It is not very fun to have to choose between spending time caring for your preschoolers and spending time caring for your parents.

My dad's illness has also made me contemplate how much reliance we place on our minds. We tend to assume that our thoughts are our own, and that we are in charge of how cleverly we can think about things. We may accept that God (or "nature") gave us our inborn level of intelligence, but claim that we have taken over from there. (This is especially true for those who really are quite clever, or who are of above-average intelligence, and tends to lead toward a sense of superiority.) We take pride in our logic. Perhaps to the point of idolizing it?

I think we sometimes equate our minds and thoughts with our soul, and perhaps that is (one reason) why it can be so terrifying to begin to lose control of your mind (and perhaps why we shy away from those with mental disabilities?). But our souls are not quite the same as our physical brains and conscious thoughts. Our souls are more than that. Our souls will outlast our brains. Also, we may trust that God is in control of large events - things we can't control - like the weather, and distant wars, but we rarely think of Him as being in control of our own minds.  Yes, He gives us plenty of chances to make our own decisions, but ultimately, He is in control of our minds just as much as the rest of our health. I have thought often lately of the temporary insanity of King Nebuchadnezzar described in Daniel 4.

So what conclusion can I draw from all this, as a homeschooler? No conclusion, really, but just a reminder that in educating our children, we must keep in mind the bigger picture of educating, or growing, the souls of our children, and not just their intellects. Our minds, the intellectual towers of this world, our philosophies, and even our hermeneutics, apologetics, and theologies, will fade away, but God will remain.

A Good Teacher

I found this article today, via an email, which made a lot of sense to me:

What Does Your Child Want in a Teacher?

Patient, encouraging - I think I am definitely more like the "Miss Jackson" in the article than the "Mrs. McGregor." Oh, I absolutely love and care for my children more than a non-related school teacher would, but I know that still does not make me a better teacher in itself, despite what some home schooling parents will tell you. I know my first attempts at home schooling were not the best. I didn't really know what a 5 year old was capable of, so I grew frustrated with the slow pace of learning and my daughter very quickly picked up on my attitude. She became frustrated with learning and was beginning to dislike school more and more.

I have been learning myself, though, and have improved my own attitude. Some of that came from learning what a 5 or 6 year old is able to learn, and backing off on my expectations. Most of it has come from stepping back from the day to day teaching and watching the distance learning teachers do their job on DVD. They truly are excellent teachers, with much experience, and despite filming their teaching with no students present in the room for feedback, they know just the right pace to take for this age level. The amount of encouragement required for happy learning has been a learning experience for me too (you'd think that would be common sense for me, but unfortunately, it was not), and my daughter is blooming with the positive attitudes in her BJU classes. Learning how to encourage (and how much to do so) is a wonderful learning experience for me in everyday "mothering" life too, not just during "teaching" times. As my excuse, it is hard to be encouraging sometimes when 3 little children are constantly pestering you with demands, every single waking minute!

I may learn enough before long to be a good teacher myself, but I still think I prefer using the distance learning classes for the most part, and letting my role be that of reinforcing concepts, reteaching if necessary, aiding with "homework," organizing supplies and schedules, picking curriculum, etc. Sometimes it is better all around for the mother to take a step backwards from the day-to-day teaching and just be the mother. Even if a mother does not need to work outside the home, being the only teacher of her children is not necessarily her purpose in life. Sometimes God really does have other plans for mothers, and not all mothers have a desire or aptitude for teaching. God has, after all, given some people the gift of teaching, and thus He must intend for them to have students who are not all their own biological children! I know I am deviating somewhat from my topic and ending up on a soapbox, but I think this is one area that the homeschool world puts too much emphasis on, and seems to look down upon mothers who do not enjoy teaching.

Many mothers make excellent teachers, of course, and are the best teachers their children could ever have. Many homeschoolers decide to home school because they want to be the ones teaching their children, and that is an excellent reason. It's not my reason, however, which has much more to do with providing a higher level of academics, offering more individualized learning, emphasizing math and science more, teaching social education issues (sex, drugs) at the age I believe is appropriate, protecting from the physical/emotional hazards of bullies, encouraging self-respect and self-esteem and independence, reducing peer pressure, reducing busyness and schedule pressures at this young age, spending more time together as a family, and teaching and demonstrating Christian beliefs in the home. I don't want my children spending so much time socializing with children who are disrespectful to authority and their peers (or being taught by teachers who cannot enforce respect in the classroom), who promote immoral and/or un-Christian beliefs, or who spread false beliefs and rumors (about all sorts of things).

Not that I intend to shelter them from all beliefs I disagree with - this is one reason I am including a wide variety of reading from Sonlight and other sources, which introduce different religions, cultures and ideas. But I want to introduce these other beliefs within the framework I choose, particularly at this young age before they have developed the skills of logic and analysis to evaluate other beliefs themselves. I see too many grown people floating around with so many wild ideas they are overwhelmed, especially in this age of the internet, and they do not have appropriate tools of logic to analyze anything. No wonder they think the world is chaotic.

Anyway, this blog has turned out much longer than I intended (which was just a simple link to a good article). I think I need to stop writing now and go get my children back under control!